Five unions, which you will find a description on the following pages have been allocated by a group of sociologists from the University of Geneva (Switzerland). This classification is the result of observation for 1500 pairs of people of different ages, at least a year living in a legal or civil marriage.
It is interesting to mention the first impression gained from the study: never before the external “decoration” of love was not so diverse, and couples so free to choose relationships. “It could be argued that the standard model of marriage came to an end – sums up Jean Kellerhal, one of the authors. Today at the forefront of a marriage is creativity and personality. “A marriage is unique, an entity, different from each other. It has personality, temperament, individuality, uniqueness. A marriage is like a journey in life. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it and only those who have experienced it will understand it.
However, among the huge variety of styles of relationships can be identified five key trends and five more or less harmonious (and more or less new) models of unions. And if one of them you can find your own, others will remind you of your family friends, parents or neighbors.
What is this classification? First of all, it will allow you to understand what actually is your co-exist. What is it based on ? As assigned roles within the family, whether or not each of you has his own personal territory, as you need to resolve conflicts? Perhaps it will be opening for you, but it often happens that the relations between spouses beyond the liaisons. “While in the public the mind has always been an ideal image, a certain imprint” real, fateful love, “which one day must go to us and solve all our problems,” – says the expert.
Find your model
In fact, living together does not stay on only infinite love. ” It is necessary to work over a relationship “ – says Jean Kellerhal. The design consists of many floors and more like a well thought-out project, than the gift of fate. Admit it, even the most romantic natures to be reckoned with such unromantic components of relations, such as the distribution of power within the family, personal space or common facilities. ” It may well be that it is the awareness of facets of your relationship will allow you to review the case of difficulties and work through some of the details of living together and not give up and leave.
How is the model on the basis of which relationships are built in union? “In this regard, much depends on the age of partners, from what they are doing, and of their social environment – explains the sociologist. If you’re young, you have both higher education and you live in and strive for personal growth and professional success, the more likely your style – the family-association, while the life of your parents probably took place in a traditional pattern of family-fortress. However, it is possible that in your case arose a cocktail with elements of other relationships or marriages of two models simultaneously. Whatever it was, a certain style in a relationship occurs fairly quickly. Often it is changing because of the appearance of the first child: in this case, the couple may move from family to family associations. However, after the birth of the first child style has not changed. At least, if not specifically ask for this. “
The ideal model?
Which of the five unions is closest to the ideal of “happiness formula”? “Each style has its pros and cons – said Jean Kellerhal. Even though none of them does not guarantee the desired outcome for all a complete well-being of the family, some models of relationships, according to respondents, are more satisfying than others. “ Family associates ranked first in the classification. It is in this union, we feel the full force of love, respect and support of a partner, get more pleasure from common life and common affairs. But in a family of parallel worlds situation sometimes becomes sinister. You can easily come out of yourself, blame, or (not better), ignore each other. The family-castle and the family cocoon, too, is not always bright, but in general we feel quite satisfied. With regard to family associations, the most common in recent models, the situation is often very contradictory. “On the one hand, only the marital union is recognized as the most complete autonomy and the life of your partner provides tremendous opportunities for personal development – says the sociologist. Other situation is when each puts forward his own interests, which leads to a permanent rift, and sometimes to divorce. What is obvious, because the basic principle of family associations is to leave or compete. “
So, today, it becomes clear that the success of the conjugal “enterprise” is not so much of its form, how much of the content. In other words, whatever your style, all tests should want and be able to overcome together.
Difficult, but possible
Increasing the number of divorces, free family relationships, broke up and re-created unions – all these suggest of ephemeral love. “The overall trend can alert – believes Jean Kellerhal. We do not know to what extent you can put yourself in family relationships, so the result is not left with nothing. Before moving to a deeper level of trust, we carefully weigh all the pros and cons, talked about their rights, duties, contributions of each partner in a common cause. It happens that excessive caution dampens the relationship in the bud. ” Yes, today was not an easy life together adventure, but it does not mean that you reach success. Unless, of course, we care about how to come together.
Union-Castle: ” Always together in joy and grief”
These partners are firmly connected to each other, and together they are experiencing hardship and joy, hoping to “live happily and die in one day.” Sharing the taste of each other, they always try to reach a consensus. Their individuality originates in the word “we”: they are working together to ensure that husband had been successful in professional terms (my wife often does not work), as well as engaged in the education of children. Partners roads are based on consensus, unanimity of opinion. In such couples they say, there is almost no disagreement.
Duties in the family
One of the objectives of partners is to reduce the number of grievances. Their daily life consists of many rituals: for all, there is a place and time, and the role of each member of the family is clearly marked. Here more than in other unions, the duties are distributed according to the sex of the spouse: it is assumed that the wife is responsible for the home and the husband earns money. Nevertheless, the solutions are taken together by the partners.
My wife rarely goes out. She tends to consider the influence of the outside world, new ideas and trends as a threat. My husband was very interested in innovation, other modes of existence and ways of thinking. He is a kind of “authorized representative” of the pair, which is responsible for the “external relations” and social integration of the family. His wife soon focused on domestic issues: safety, caring, tenderness. This complementarity increases the dependence of family members from one another.
Advantages and disadvantages
The main advantage of family is strength and stability. When partners take on certain responsibilities, life becomes more harmonious. The couple is trying to avoid the collision, giving some of their positions. Solving the problem, they prefer the traditional, proven methods. The peaceful life in the “fortress” borders on routine. Such relationships are able to “stiffen” from time to time if partners do not instigate new projects.
Union-Association: ” Respect Autonomy”.
Paradoxically, partners originally stipulate the desire for autonomy. The family associations believe that a community will benefit in the event that each participant will be master of his destiny, will uphold the personal convictions and manage their own affairs. Sacrifice the interests for the good of the family is perceived as a defeat, for the very wife “altar”, and for relations.
Partners tend to be self-sufficient and realize themselves in all areas at the same time professional, marital, parental, cultural, civil. The allocation of responsibilities for the principle of gender rejects a priori, there prevails the principle of “everyone is equal.” Communication and partners derive maximum benefit from their emotions and interests. If both spouses are set to the adoption of common solutions, most likely, they can agree: for what suits them today, tomorrow it could be reconsidered.
Contact with the outside world is valued as highly as the individual characteristics of the spouses. Go out (together or separately), travel, invites parents and friends – all of which fosters and enriches the dialogue between partners, allows them to implement joint projects. The family association does not tolerate a routine, considering it a source of boredom and anxiety. These alliances often formed in a developed society, where there are economic and cultural conditions to satisfy the desires of both. Family associations tend to live in cities, where partners can find a deal that will develop and earn enough money.
Advantages and disadvantages
If the spouses are able to control the situation, they can get out of life: the joy of living together, and the ability to see themselves as a person. Flexibility in the relationship allows them to hand out the cards again and again, adapting to the desires and capabilities of each. Problems usually arise when spouses disagree having personal interests and family life becomes an obstacle to personal development. In order to reach a compromise, the members of the family associations often have to negotiate. If the maintenance of the alliance begins to demand too many sacrifices, the couple used to make the decision to disband.
Union-cocoon: ” We are united together against all”
In the family cocoon-reigns there is a very tender conjugal relationship. The main objective is to take care and look after each other, entertain and confront the vicissitudes of fate, which arise, for example, due to the instability in the society, or away from home. Partners create an intimate nest and struggle to protect it from the influences of the environment. As in a family-fortress, the relations between the partners merge with each other. Joint activities and similar tastes give them the needed sense of security.
The family-cocoon partners have equal obligations. They take turns preparing meals, do housekeeping, are busy with the kids. Depending on the situation, either spouse can go to work. Men especially tend to find refuge from the daily frustrations of the outside world in family, appreciate the comfort of home and all the associated rituals.
Typically, a family-cocoon closes in itself, because it feels like part of the society in which there is. Spouses feel lonely in the big city, sometimes getting lost in front of the power of “others.” However, they are not too interested in the outside world. Social integration or professional achievements are secondary to their values.
Advantages and disadvantages
The family cocoon is quite helpless before financial difficulties. Spouses are more inclined to comfort each other than to act, they are often unable to offer adequate support. They tend to gloss over the conflict, since any differences are perceived as an additional threat to their security. The strength of family solidarity in a cocoon are the spouses. If the surrounding reality is not too harsh to them, the partners are able to live quite happily.
Union of parallel worlds: ” Better Together than lack and alone at all”
This style of relationship is less than most similar to the conventional image of the happy couple. Here, as in the family associations, each spouse’s own interests, and relations between the partners are based on a certain indifference to each other. Each of them involved himself and is not inclined to share emotional experiences with the spouse. In fact, they live together just because cannot with another.
In such a family responsibilities of the partners are very different. The house is fully engaged by the wife, and in addition to performance related duties are expected from her husband, but organizational support and his own initiatives might not appear. His work is often difficult, and he cannot take any of the functions of his partner – and vice versa. There is no trace of sentimentality in their relationship.
Usually spouses live in the present isolation from the outside world, in total ignorance of what’s going on and invite their parents or neighbors. Of course, the reason is not to be alone more often … However, if the partners are not too nagging each other, they co-exist quite peacefully.
Advantages and disadvantages
In such a union is difficult to find the pros. The couple did not wait for each other, because of what they are strangers to disappointment in a partner. Everyone is clear that he must do, the rules are set once and for all, which helps to eliminate any differences. In such families, there is complete order, and all of the partners is absolutely predictable. And although their relationship did not like the feast of the soul, such an alliance can last a lifetime.
Union supporters – “First of all life in common “
As a family-castle, this model is designed to pair a long time. The couple wants to share life, so the life of each of them agrees with the values on which to base their family. Between the partners established a very close relationship, they emphasize their similarities and do not keep secrets from each other. But, unlike the family or family-fortress-cocoon, it is important to spouses to participate together in social life.
As in a family association, taking responsibility, setting rules and inventing rituals, the couple preferred to remain flexible. The daily schedule and tasks of each partner vary depending on the current problems. Both are able to farm, in addition, one can replace another, which is the basis of the pair. However, unlike the family, the association that values each individual project, here at the forefront of common interest. For the benefit of family and community, each spouse is ready for some victims: to move to another city for a time, to quit job for another career or raise children.
Partners are actively involved in the life of the city, schools or charitable organizations. However, despite the openness to the world, they cannot be called “secular lions” (as is often the case with family-association). Rather, they represent an example of civic groups, which seek to contribute to public welfare.
Advantages and disadvantages
Superiority of common interests over personal, flexible roles, openness to the outside world are excellent conditions for a long and happy life. It is in such alliances, according to their members, less frustrating, more laughs here, more joy and less joint achievements parted.